Birthdays

In my opinion, birthdays should be celebrated for the person giving birth, not the person who was born, but that would eliminate the male species from birthdays, hence the existing system remains 🙂

Kidding aside, it’s my birthday today, I was born on a February and am of the sun sign Aquarius. Like most of the human population, I love feeling special to others, and having suffered from a narcissistic mother and low self esteem issues my entire life, I recognize my craving for attention and love. A few sweet friends surprised me last year on my birthday, and filled my heart with buckets of that recognition.

Now I realize that what I really crave is deep human connection. Someone healthy to actually see me- know me in all of the muddled shit that I am, and love me anyway. And love me deeply, and allow me to love them deeply unabashedly back. It’s what I don’t have right now, and it’s what I want. So although I feel dysfunctional a great percentage of my time, I do love, I give it openly, freely and am trying to learn how to do it even better.

Undoubtedly, I keep saying I have all this deep murky layers of dysfunction to work out, but I really must love the me I am now…in all of my so called “imperfection”. Because who I have right now, is all that I have right now…going back to the idea that now is all you have, and now is when you can start. Instead I need to look in the mirror and be amazed at the human being looking back at me, and everything she has achieved and the brilliant mind that she has, and her ability to deeply love.

So I now selfishly conclude, this year is all about me. Amazement at me, wonder at me, love for me, kindness for me, health for me, growth for me…happy birthday to me. May the next year see a much more evolved woman with no ongoing overwhelming shame, guilt, just love for life!

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